You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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