I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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