I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
