epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
