dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
