he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
