i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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