Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
