Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
