I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize