This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
