Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
