I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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