I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
