see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
