her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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