Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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