I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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