yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
