everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I am naked and annoyed.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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