when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
