i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
