some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize