Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
