Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
