Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
