Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
