Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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