I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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