Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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