It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
this hospital has no fireball
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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