Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize