Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
