I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
