That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
