But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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