so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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