Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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