I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
my poor anus
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
