is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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