Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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