i just google imaged poop.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
