I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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