How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
