While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
