Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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