where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
