Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
