he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
