New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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