You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
