If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he thought i was a dude.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
