yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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