It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Enjoy the penises
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
