you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
