No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
