Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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