Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
