The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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