I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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