A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
