Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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