So drunk its hurt
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
