i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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