Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you didnt know i had herpes?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
