You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
