sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
