the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
