I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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