Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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