Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
