trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
