dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
