Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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