why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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